apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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