I cannot find my penis.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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