flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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