They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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