The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
