my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
