You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
