why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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