i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
