watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
