I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
