you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
