His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
