This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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