we have pet lesbian snakes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
