1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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