I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
