....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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