Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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