If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
