Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
