Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize