i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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