i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
