i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
tell me about the eggs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
