im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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