the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
