i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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