He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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