part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
