I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
