omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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