Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You smell like stripper and shame
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
