Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
