Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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