How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
