Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
