Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
