remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
