unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
