If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Are we still banned from the library?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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