Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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