How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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