I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
