My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
