also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Houston, we have a blender
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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