i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
