cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
