also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
