Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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