i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
