Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
