She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
