can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
