The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize