State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
