there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
