Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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