Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
