9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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