Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
