I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is classic penis vs brain.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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