my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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