BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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