Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
