He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Come on in and take your pants off
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