You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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